Tuesday, April 12, 2011

B's Possible High School Class

     Well, we went to see the class today. B felt fine until we got there, then she melted down. I gave her an Ativan and she crawled under a table. She was wearing fairy wings. Altogether, it did not inspire confidence in me about the transition.
     The class takes about twelve kids a year for two years. All the kids are like her, sensitive and nervous. On the list of requirements for the class it said, "Able to be unsupervised during lunch and recess," and, "Takes transit independently." Both are a huge no, and it caused me a lot of concern. Sometimes they might take the kids to see a movie and then dismiss them from there. The whole idea of B trying to find her way around on transit scares me very much.
     So these are things we'd need to address if she went there. Also, I would start her very slowly and try to mitigate the issues as they arise. I don't know how I feel about it yet, but there a few/no choices. It's this kind of thing that makes me want to move her some place tiny and just let her be. Which would be better for her? I honestly don't know sometimes.
    The first step is taking her the class later this week when it's quieter and seeing if she can handle it.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


     B has been feeling pretty good lately, which I think has been because of the anti-depressants. She still has a low seizure incident rate, and why that is, I don't know, but I'm grateful for the break.
     Last Monday, her whole school had sponsored trip to the aquarium. I went with her and we had a great time. In the morning, the primary grades had a special learning class, and in the afternoon, the intermediary grades did. They were taken into a wet lab, were they could hold sea urchins, sea cucumbers, crabs, starfish, and touch anenomes. There were many tanks, and by pure coincidence, one of the volunteers turned out to be the mother  of a teacher at B's old school. She recognised B and gave B her own little tour of everything. I think B held everything in the place, and she was deliriously happy. That kind of thing is right up her alley.
     When we got back to the school, I hung out until the end of class. B had a temper tantrum and broke her FM headset. That's a device that lets her hear the teacher better. The teacher wears a transmitter. I was very unhappy about that, but it led to revelation about one of the things B can't stand about school. The teacher stands up and addresses the class, giving numerous instructions. and B has felt stressed out by this, because she thinks that she is supposed top follow all these instructions. She's not. So I had a talk with her and told her just to ignore that, and her workers will help her after the teacher has finished, and she will have her own instructions. This is the benefit of actually going to hang out with her at school, because there is no way she could have articulated that better to me than she had been, which was by saying they boss her around.
     Last night, Andrew took B to a party while I went to see a movie. B had a good time, which is a really nice change. Usually, she can't stand groups of people. But there was a three year old for her to play with, and so she had a friend.
     On Tuesday, we go see the program at Britannia. I hope it's right for her, because I am not swimming in options.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Still Not Better

     I'm still not better. I'll spare you the gory details, but I will tell you that I'm having trouble walking very much, and I'm very fatigued. Hopefully, it clears up completely soon.
     The practical upshot is that I have missed two very important appointments for B. With the same doctor. And I feel horrible and irresponsible. And yeah, yeah, cut myself slack, and all that, but I usually do not forget such stuff so much, and since Christmas, I've forgotten three really important appointments for her.
     I am burnt out. And exhausted. And I know I shouldn't make any more appointments until I feel better. Just taking care of B and my own stuff is hard enough right now.
     But I still feel bad. When you have to interact with as many doctors as I do for B, feeling incompetent is disastorous, just for yourself. I have always considered many things in life just a bluff to make it through. Not a lie, just working yourself up to get through it. I don't know what will happen if I lose steam. I'm sitting on a medical house of cards. If I crash...
    B, however, is doing pretty good. She's had lots of rest over Spring Break, and Ice Cream. The other day, I took her in a very slow way to the park. We saw a friend there, and I asked her if she would play with his four year old girl. She was happy to do it, she is really good with small kids. She took the girl to the sand box, and they hung out with tons of other toddlers and wee ones. After awhile I wandered over and asked her how it was going. She said, in a whisper, "Mom, which of these kids am I watching again?"
     It was very cute. :)